I'm currently sitting in my back patio, surrounded by an endless sky filled with the moon and stars. The sound of dogs barking in the distance, crickets and coqui frogs linger in the air while my music plays softly in the background. The crisp cool air bring chills to my spine as I shiver and develop chicken skin. A perfect night to reflect, think, and clear my head...
I sit and think about my friend, who is going through a similar situation that I am going through. Today she told me, "Everything, every little thing reminds me of him. I want to text him." These exact words run through my mind every minute and every second of the day. It's hard to push something away, especially when you want it SOO bad. The feeling of missing someone, knowing things will never be the same, knowing that choices have been made, knowing that everything will remind you of them SUCKS. You know you had it bad when every little thing, every little moment sparks some kind of memory in your mind and makes you think of them. How do you get past this you ask? I honestly don't know how, I've tried, it will take time. You just have to occupy your mind. But then again, I try to occupy my mind by keeping busy, helping others, doing things that make me happy....BUT there are those little things that remind you of that special someone. Every time I think of this person, makes me want to text or call them. Sometimes I text, but when you don't get a reply, that's what hurts the most, it's a time where you just have to tell yourself to let go. Why fight for something that doesn't want to be fought for? It's not going to be worth it in the end. Through all the hurt and pain that I've endured over the last few weeks, I still want to move forward with this person, its like I haven't learned my lesson. This I shake my head to, but you know what they say... "You Can't Help How You Feel."
As days past, I've been getting stronger, but there are those moments where I want to crawl up into a ball and cry. No matter how hard I try to block out everything and anything that make me think of you, I always find something that just sticks out in my mind. I fell for you, and I fell for you fast. This "moving on and letting go" process is a lot more difficult as I thought...
Lately, everything reminds me of you...songs, cars, people, little things, random things, everything. I'm stuck in the moment of all of our memories. Everything replaying in my head, making me think of you, making me yearn for your presence....
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