Will I?

This song has been on repeat for the last week. I'm trying to get over it the best I can. At the moment the words of this song speak to me. I shouldn't let it get to me, so I've been listening to this song to help me get through it. There are numerous lyrics saying that "I'll Be Fine," but will I? If I believe I will be fine, maybe in the long run I will.....It really is killing me...

I'll Be Fine by Stevie Hoang. His music speaks to me. I love it. Check it out.

It's better if we don't speak at all, all, all (at all, all, all x2)
It's better if we don't speak at all, all, all (at all, all, all x3)

Now deep down inside
You know, it cuts like a knife
But I'm too proud to show it
Pain in my chest (it feels)
Like I lost my breath
But she just doesn't know it
So many things that I'm just dying to say
But I can't seem to tell her

It's killing me, to know that she wants to leave
But I'm not gonna beg her to stay (no)
Cause I got my pride, I'm not gonna cry (cry)
There won't be no tears falling from these eyes
Don't need her to see, that it's killing me
So this is what I'll say

You don't have to worry about me
Girl, I'll be fine
You don't have to call me again
Girl, its alright
You don't have to ask me if i will be okay
Girl, I'll be fine
Girl, I'll be fine

You ain't got to tell me that we can still be friends
You ain't gotta make no excuses and pretend
Cause I'll be fine, said I'll be fine
There's no need to call

It's better if we don't speak at all, all, all (at all, all, all x2)
It's better if we don't speak at all, all, all (at all, all, all x3)

Now I cant believe, that I fell so deep
And I let my heart so open
Now I gotta try, to keep it inside
These words, are better left unspoken

Cause I still got my pride, I'm not gonna cry
There wont be no tears falling from these eyes
Don't need her to see
That its killing me
So this is what I'm saying

You don't have to worry about me
Girl, I'll be fine
You don't have to call me again
Girl, its alright
You don't have to ask me if I will be okay
Girl, I'll be fine
Girl, I'll be fine

You ain't got to tell me that we can still be friends
You ain't gotta make no excuses and pretend
Cause I'll be fine, said I'll be fine
Theres no need to call

It's better if we don't speak at all, all, all (at all, all, all x2)
It's better if we don't speak at all, all, all (at all, all, all x3)

Girl I'll be fine (said I'll be fine)
There's no need to call
Its better if we don't speak at all

Some days

Some days are easy, some days are hard.

Some days I miss you, some days I don't.

Some days I want to be with you, some days I wish I never met you.

Some days I wake up thinking today will be a better day, some days I just want to lay in bed and cry.

It really sucks not knowing what the other person is thinking or feeling. I know things weren't supposed to get this complicated or go so far, but no matter what, we said that we would always be friends. Having the feeling that I am NOTHING to you now hurts me the most. I want to talk, but you don't want to. You even deleted my number. Wow. Low blow to me.

I'm sorry I called you a bitch. I'm sorry that I let things get so far between us. I'm sorry that I fell in love with you. I'm sorry that I care about you. I'm sorry that I've become close with your family. I'm sorry that I'm attached to your little sister. I'm sorry that things went the way they did. I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry for being me. I'm sorry for kissing you. I'm sorry for holding you to let you know I'm there. I'm sorry for hugging you. I'm sorry for smiling every time I saw you or thought of you. I'm sorry for taking you lunch. I'm sorry for answering your calls. I'm sorry for replying to your texts. I'm sorry for spending time with you. I'm sorry for inviting you to my house. I'm sorry for caring. I'm sorry for showing you a whole other side of things. I'm sorry I went drinking because I didn't know what to do about you. I'm sorry I'm nice. I'm sorry that I'm always there. I'M SORRY.

If I could take it all back, I would, but the past is the past. Things happen. All we can do is accept the facts and move on. I really hope we work things out and just be FRIENDS. I thought I knew you, but I guess I really don't.

Some days are harder than the rest. I have good days and I have bad days. I have days where I miss you, and I have days where I wish I never met you. But no matter what, NOTHING is going to change the way that I feel about you. 

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets in the morning. So love the ones who treat you right and forget the ones who don;t. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it. If it changes your life let it. No one said it would be easy, just promised it'd be worth it."

Cute Song

Been listening to some of Aj Rafael's music lately. He is a striving artist. Pretty good. His songs are original, funny and true to the heart. This is song is cute. Check it.

When We Say (Juicebox) - AJ Rafael

Somethin bout the way
Somethin in the way you look
In my eyes
You make everything so damn easy
So easy that I don't got to worry bout a thing

And baby when we touch
All I can see is the image of us
Sitting by the ocean
Just before the dusk
Sippin on a juice box and
Sand between our toes

This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right

Just tell me you don't love me
Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do
Tell me I don't make you smile
Like I do when you walk in the room
You're so hard to let go

This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we say it's forever
But this ain't a fantasy
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right

This hurts so much to know that you're
With someone else when you should be with me
It's just hard to accept that I can't be around
He better be treatin you good
I'm no Einstein but I know a sign
When I see one
And I know you love me too
I know you love me too

This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you good
So good
You got your life
He better be treatin you right

The Remedy

Whenever I'm feeling down or just have the urge to get away, there are certain places that I would go.

Places where I can clear my head, be alone and reflect on everything.

The Ocean. The ocean is my remedy.

The sounds of the waves crashing, the currents pulling in and out.

The colors of the sky as it changes with the time of day.

There is nothing more perfect to clear your head than by surrounding yourself with a clear sky and the ocean at your feet.

For me anyway. Refer to my blog http://gaylee07.blogspot.com/2011/07/wash-away.html it explains it all.

The PERFECT Remedy. 

Strange Feelings

Its funny how much I fight the urges to text you.  Sometimes all I want to say is that I Miss You. You're running through my mind all day. I can't get you out of my head. No matter how hard I try, I miss that smile, I miss your laugh, I miss everything about you. I don't know how to act. It's funny how drinking makes me miss you 100x more than I really should...ugh alcohol, why do you have to be soo evil.

All I have to say is that I miss you and I don't know how you don't miss me too, but apparently you don't and I have to live with that. I need to accept it and move on. I keep saying that I have accepted that it isn't more than just friendship, but apparently I haven't...


I miss you so so much....if only I could just have one last night with you....to tell you how much I love you...better yet, SHOW you how much I love you...

The Best Thing I Never Had

 "There was a time I thought that you did everything right. No lies, no wrong. Boy I, must've been outta my mind, so when I think of the time that I almost LOVED you, you showed your ass and I saw the real you.  I wanted you so bad, I'm so through with it cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had. And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had, I bet it sucks to be you right now." -Beyonce

What's done is done. It is what it is. I can't change a thing that happened. It happened, it's over with, it's done. This past weekend, I realized that I don't need someone who doesn't even care about my feelings, or respect me as a person to hold me down. I admit, I was blind, I was fool, hoping for something to happen, something to spark, something to pick me up and give me hope. But NOPE nothing. After everything, I tried to be friends, you made it so hard. Clearly friendship is what you wanted, but NOW, I'm catching the vibe that you don't even care, that you don't even want me around. I'm not going to say that I regret it, because I don't. It was one of the best things that happened to me, having you. But after all the pain, sadness, excess drinking, frustration and anger, I've decided that enough is enough. I saw what I needed to see this weekend, I heard what I needed to hear. I'm tired of trying to fight for something that doesn't want to be fought for. So you know what, I am soo OVER trying. I'll be around, I'll be there if you need me, I'll still be your friend, but quite frankly I'm so over it that I don't give a shiz about it anymore. I finally opened my eyes and realized what a fool I've been. No more moping around, no more grumbling or complaining. What's done is done. A new attitude and a new way of looking at things. But I hope you know, that no matter what, I'll always be your friend, and I would never let anything come between us, just saying, cuz thats the kind of person I am. But as of right now, I'm letting you go, moving on and bouncing back. I lived. I learned. Now to move forward.