Foooood.

I was going through my pictures, and I found a lot of pictures of food. Haha, I'm such a food-fanatic. Feed me and I'll be happy. Just to share a few...

Hiro's Chicken Katsu, Hash, Egg, Hotdog, Beef Bento.

  Filipno Night: Pork and Peas, Pinakbet, Fish Sabao, Pork Tabuangao, Banana Lumpia, Sweet Potato Salad, etc.

Batayaki Night for Jackie's Bday: Chicken, Beef, and Veggies

 Lunch in a Bag: Pesto Chicken Sandwich With Lays Sour Cream and Onion Chips

  Bubba Gumps: Garlic Shrimp, Onion Rings, Shrimp Poppers

 Bubba Gumps: Sampler Trio

 Bubba Gumps: Seafood Pot..mmmm

 Puka Puka: Ahi Don

 Seaside Restaurant: Blackened Ahi Salad

 Seaside Restaurant: Buffet Vegetable Platter; Zucchini, Eggplant, Bell Peppers, Sweet Potatoes

Seaside Restaurant: Buffet Fruit Platter and Dinner Salad

Hilo Bay Cafe: Grilled Ono, Bacon, Spinach, Blue Cheese Burger

Miyos: Lunch Special, Sesame Chicken, Tempura, Deep Fried Tofu

Cafe Pesto: Caesar Salad, Shrimp Poppers, Lava Flow

Hilo Bay Cafe: Crab Cake Salad, Saute Salmon, Lamb Mashed Potatoes, Black Berry Lava Flow

Puka Puka: Ahi Don and Lamb Pita

 Ocean Sushi Deli: Vegetable Curry, Volcano Rolls, Spicy Tempura Rolls, Unagi Rolls, Mermaid Rolls, Sashimi, etc.

Restaurant Nihon: Seafood Batayaki, Tempura, Sashimi

Aloha Luigi's: Chicken Caesar Wrap

Mari's House: Pork Adobo and Pork &Peas

Hawaiian Plate: Lau Lau, Kalua Pig, Chicken Long Rice, Lomi Salmon, Haupia, Rice

Zippy's: Chili Cheese Fries, Chili & Fried Chicken Plate

Girls Night: Steamed King Crab, Banana Cream Pie, Roasted Chicken, Garlic Soybeans

Gayle

Haha thanks to my budz, this was my reading entertainment for today =) made me kind of smile and laugh.

From www.urbandictionary.com

Gayle

Noun: One who sees the world through the eyes of angels.To be connected yet not attached. To seek harmony beyond balance; a peaceful warrior. One who encourages the authenticity of being. Sees the light in others. Having the uncanny ability to remain calm amongst chaos. To have a quiet confidence that is often mistaken for lack of. An insatiable quest for knowledge. Seeker of truth. One who lives off the edge. A soul that resonates to a divine frequency. One who constantly strives to better themselves. Student of ease. Sees beauty in simplicity. Clever negotiator, a philosopher, poet, author, composer, lover of life and beauty.   Adjective: Tender hearted, sensitive, intuitive, calm, loving, passionate, compassionate, clairsentient, creative, sensual, musical, vibrant, sexy, extremely feminine, spiritual, giving, brave. humorous, fair, balanced, adventurous, risk taker, nurturing, loving, highly intelligent, gifted, vulnerable.   "She stood quietly and still while embracing the beauty of the sunset, the brilliance of the light through the orange and purple clouds, observing the pattern of the birds in flight. She closed her eyes and felt a breeze walk through her soul and understood for the first time what it meant to be referred to as "Gayle"....for she was experiencing the world through the eyes of Angels...and her world was never the same again...."   Gayle    This woman is patient and reliable, warmhearted and loving, persistent and determined, placid and security loving. An absolutely dedicated woman that loves long relationships. Will walk away if backed into a corner and never look back.

Smile

Today I Smiled.

A Smile that I haven't seen in a while

It makes me happy, all tingly inside

Where my feelings no longer can hide.

The spur of the moment randomness

Makes my heart beat craziness.

I've missed this smile.

Won't you make this all worthwhile?

Today I smiled, and it was all because of you.

Oh how I've missed you...my dear smile.

Here I Am - Carly Patterson

Found this while shuffling through my ipod. It's a GREAT wake up song :) The lyrics speak the truth. Listen.

You.

I miss your smile.

I miss your eyes.

I miss your laugh.

I miss your touch.

I miss your kiss.

I miss your hug.

I miss your texts.

I miss your calls.

I miss the way you made me laugh.

I miss the way you made me smile.

I miss the way you made me feel.

I miss the way you ran your fingers through my hair.

I miss the feeling of your hand in mines.

I miss the way your face lights up when you smile.

I miss the way your eyes sparkle when the sun shines down on you.

I miss the way you told me everything was going to be okay...

I MISS YOU...

Dangerous Feelin

I'm currently sitting in my back patio, surrounded by an endless sky filled with the moon and stars.  The sound of dogs barking in the distance, crickets and coqui frogs linger in the air while my music plays softly in the background.  The crisp cool air bring chills to my spine as I shiver and develop chicken skin. A perfect night to reflect, think, and clear my head...

I sit and think about my friend, who is going through a similar situation that I am going through.  Today she told me, "Everything, every little thing reminds me of him. I want to text him." These exact words run through my mind every minute and every second of the day.  It's hard to push something away, especially when you want it SOO bad.  The feeling of missing someone, knowing things will never be the same, knowing that choices have been made, knowing that everything will remind you of them SUCKS.  You know you had it bad when every little thing, every little moment sparks some kind of memory in your mind and makes you think of them.  How do you get past this you ask? I honestly don't know how, I've tried, it will take time. You just have to occupy your mind. But then again, I try to occupy my mind by keeping busy, helping others, doing things that make me happy....BUT there are those little things that remind you of that special someone.  Every time I think of this person, makes me want to text or call them.  Sometimes I text, but when you don't get a reply, that's what hurts the most, it's a time where you just have to tell yourself to let go.  Why fight for something that doesn't want to be fought for?  It's not going to be worth it in the end.  Through all the hurt and pain that I've endured over the last few weeks, I still want to move forward with this person, its like I haven't learned my lesson. This I shake my head to, but you know what they say... "You Can't Help How You Feel."

As days past, I've been getting stronger, but there are those moments where I want to crawl up into a ball and cry. No matter how hard I try to block out everything and anything that make me think of you, I always find something that just sticks out in my mind. I fell for you, and I fell for you fast. This "moving on and letting go" process is a lot more difficult as I thought...

Lately, everything reminds me of you...songs, cars, people, little things, random things, everything. I'm stuck in the moment of all of our memories. Everything replaying in my head, making me think of you, making me yearn for your presence....

A Life Wouldn't Be A Life Without Them

These faces; the smiles, the laughs, the cries, the tears are forever embedded in my memory, my heart and soul. Without them, I'd be lost. Without them, I'd be insane. Without them, I'd be a bum on the street going no where in life. Without them, I'd have no motivation. Without them, I'd have no laughter. Without them, I'd probably have money in my bank accounts or in my wallet. Without them, I probably wouldn't be an alcoholic. Without them, I'd be some anti-social nerd in the corner of the room. Without them, I wouldn't have the courage to face my demons. Without them, I wouldn't be able to stand up for myself. Without them, I would have no one. Without them, I wouldn't be me. Without them, I wouldn't smile. Without them, I wouldn't have anything to look forward to every week or every Monday. Without them, my life would be boring. Without them, my life would be incomplete. Without them, I wouldn't know how to love. Without them, my life would be BORING. These by far are the best people I've met. They have been there for me through thick and thin, and no matter what brings us down, we find a way to get over it and smile. When things try to tear us apart, we find reasons to stick together.

Who knew a job would lead you to so many great people? I love these guys so much! When my life felt like it wasn't going to get better, like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, these guys ALWAYS pulled me through. Thanks for always being there through EVERYTHING!

Accept and Move Forward

I admit, I've been stubborn, hardheaded, grouchy, sad, angry, frustrated....EVERY negative feeling that a person could ever feel.  I let pain rage through my body, bringing me down and influencing my thoughts, emotions and choices.  The saying "With Time, Things Will Get Better." I truly believe this is a fact; before I refused to accept that I could ever heal or stand back up after being pushed off a cliff.  As days progress, I feel better little by little every single day.  I find new reasons to smile and I find things to reflect upon that make me happy.  I realized that there are so many people in my life that wish the best for me, that wish me happiness; friends that have stood by me through the toughest times no matter how much I tried to push them away. I don't know why I refused their help, or shut them out, I feel badly, but things just happen.  We cannot control everything and that is a part of life...

I didn't think I could accept the fact that we could just be friends, I resorted to drinking excessively and not caring about anything at all.  I hit rock bottom. I wanted to die. I was a mess. I still am a mess, but with time I am slowly putting myself together, I am slowly putting together the pieces of my shattered heart. I've fallen into a well, struggling to crawl out. Slowly by slowly, inch by inch I've started to get off the ground.  I've come to accept this change, I can't change anything now.  I know what I want, but I can't have it.  I want to fight for you, I've been fighting for you, but you refuse to see that.  I can't wait forever, and as much as I have feelings for you I'm going to have to let you go.  I can't let you control my life, my feelings, my heart....  I ACCEPT the fact that we are just friends.  Maybe one day down the road things will be different, but for now I've accepted this fact and I am trying to make ends meet with my heart.  It takes time, and I may never get over you, but that is life and I need to accept it.

I've been so blind hurting and longing for you, that I didn't see, I refused to see everything else that made me happy.  You made me so happy, you made me smile, you made me feel like I was worth something, but when you took that away from me, I fell apart and broke into pieces, blinding and shutting out everything else that once brought me happiness.  But slowly, day by day, the happiness and smiles are returning..

Accept it. Let it go. Move forward.

Lifeless Smile

As I sit and reflect on things that are occurring in my life, I ponder upon the things that make me smile. Lately, I have been a lost soul, walking around within crowds of people so lost and confused.  Lifeless, crying out for help, burning deep with anguish, pain and sadness. The feeling of loneliness, emptiness and sadness continue to haunt me as I try to focus on the good things in life, the things that make me smile.  It is no longer an act, the hurt and pain continues to show, my smile no longer hides the feelings that is just waiting to rupture and explode from within.  A smile once filled with joy, happiness and excitement, is now just a lifeless gesture that shows my pain and sorrow.  There is so much things eating away at me inside, that no happiness or joy can find its way, only  getting lost in a dark cold world.

I am not the person that I used to be, anyone can tell you that, everyone can see it.  The sadness is spreading through my body like an uncontrollable virus, waiting to kill me slowly.  The only army fighting the sadness is my will to move on, to let go, to be happy.  But even now days, that army is slowly losing to the dark, cold world of sadness.  You can see it in my face, you can see it in my eyes, the signs of defeat. My smile can no longer hide the pain and agony within. It simply rests upon my face telling everyone that I am so close to accepting defeat.  No will to move on, no will to let go, nothing. Who knew, that one person can drastically affect your life that much....

I try to surround myself with people that once made me smile, made me happy. I play with my little siblings, the two growing up so fast, but even they sense that a part of me is different.  No matter what i went through, a couple minutes with them would always turn my day around, would always make me smile and happy. But after spending time with them, I only feel pain and sadness.  Why do I feel this way?
I surround myself with friends, who I know can make me laugh and smile. But I feel that I am so caught up and stuck in this black hole, that no matter what they say or do, cant genuinely bring out a REAL smile.  I'm stuck, in need of massive help.

I once loved life to the fullest, now I just want to sulk in my misery.  I'm trying to find ways to cope with this sadness, anger, fear and frustration. Day by Day when I think things are getting better. BAM! I get hit with a bomb that pushes me farther into the dark abyss.  


Who knew..all this...over you....

Realization

You obviously can't fix something that is meant to be broken. I put myself through situations that I know will not help me heal, but I do it because I want to.  Getting hurt or not doesn't even matter to me anymore.  Seeing your face, feeling your touch, watching you smile, only makes me realize how truly, madly, deeply I am in love with you.  Tonight I may have taken a step back, I must admit, I had fun, but was it really worth it to feel like this in the end.  I just wanted to be in your company, and I was, that was good. But going there and expecting something just was the wrong thing to do.  I should've expected that it would hurt me more.  And it did. My heart got ripped out once again.  An open wound was ripped apart even more, leaving nothing but anguish and pain.  I don't know if I should be angry or sad, happy or mad; I really don't know. I really want to disappear and disconnect myself from everyone; maybe that will help heal my pain, help heal my heartache. I love you so much, I wish you only understood.  But in order for me to move on, I want to disappear, reconnect with myself without any external influences, just me and my heart, mind and soul.  In time I will manage to heal, but as of right now, the pain lingers and penetrates my heart at random points in time.If you only knew how much I truly care and love you, maybe that will change things around  a bit... I love you so much..I honestly don't know how I will pull through....                                                                                                           

Wash Away

 

A serene location, isolated, calm and quiet. The sound of the waves crashing onto the shore, birds chirping in the far distance, children's laughter linger in the air, palms falling on the beach.  Everything around seems like a whole other world, so different yet familiar, like a fairytale yet sooo real. It's paradise, with the sun blazing high in the sky; the ocean at your feet, trees swaying, good company....nothing but pure happiness. So why do I feel so empty inside?

 The current pulling in and out of the shore, coming and going as it pleases, washing away all that lies in the sand, sweeping it away out to sea.  It takes what is meant to be taken off of the shore and leaves what is meant to remain.  The current caressing the sand, gently sweeping away the rocks, debris and the loosened sand, only to leave nothing but cool, smooth and beautiful sand.  This beauty remains only until the next current comes in, takes away what it pleases and leaves a new amazing set of beautiful grounds.  The current takes away what is meant to be taken and leaves what is meant to remain, metaphorically similar to the way life presents  us with people that come in and out of our lives.

Each person that comes into our lives, is like a new grain of sand, set upon the shore by the currents of the ocean.  Giving us something new and exciting to look forward to. It starts off new and starts off fresh. Clean, positive and beautiful.  But at any random moment, the current can come and wash it away. Taking away the sands that we once sought as beautiful and radiant.  Taking away what we once loved without any real explanation, reason or cause.  It just does. It creates a void that cannot be filled, it leaves us a question without an answer. The current sweeping away every last ounce of hope and happiness, slowly by slowly washing upon the shore, taking little by little, until everything is gone.

Once everything is gone, the current presents us with new hope, new thoughts, new explorations.  Newly settled sand laying in the cool ocean water that washed it upon shore.  We start off new, and fresh once again, only to expect it to be taken away from us once again...the circle of life. the beginning of the end. there is literally no hope to holding on to something that is only meant to be taken away. the emptiness, the loneliness. The lucky ones are the little bits and pieces of sand that are meant to remain, that bring happiness, beauty and joy, to those around.  Those grains of sand, are the ones we hold dear to our hearts, because they are meant to stay for a reason.  But in reality, the current washes away more sand than leaves. Giving us, once again, new hope that will probably, most likely result in being taken away, or torn from you, only to go through the cycle once again.

As I sit and look out towards the dark calm ocean, I wonder..if I were to jump in and just float away, would anyone notice?  I sit here listening to the waves break, the cars pass, the crickets chirp, all this as I soak in this feeling of loneliness.  The feeling of sadness.  The feeling of emptiness.  It surrounds me, it embraces me and makes me a person I do not want to be...I do not want to be the person who always feels alone.  I am aware of the people that surround me, I'm aware that there are people who are out there willing lend out their hand, who are willing to offer a shoulder to cry on.  But I refuse, instead I choose this sadness, this emptiness, this loneliness because it is all I've ever known.  It's shocking to even think that I am alone, when I know I am not.  I feel like a burden when I talk or vent to others.  I rather deal and listen to other people's problems but my own.  I rather fix everyone's problems rather than my own. I rather hurt than be happy. I put everyone's happiness before my own, why? Because that is the type of person that I am.  People may not understand it, but that is who I am, who I rather be.  It's not healthy, but it is all I've known throughout my life. One day I will learn to make myself happy, and put myself before others. But until then. The loneliness and emptiness will continue to embody itself in my mind, body and soul....