As I sit and look out towards the dark calm ocean, I wonder..if I were to jump in and just float away, would anyone notice?  I sit here listening to the waves break, the cars pass, the crickets chirp, all this as I soak in this feeling of loneliness.  The feeling of sadness.  The feeling of emptiness.  It surrounds me, it embraces me and makes me a person I do not want to be...I do not want to be the person who always feels alone.  I am aware of the people that surround me, I'm aware that there are people who are out there willing lend out their hand, who are willing to offer a shoulder to cry on.  But I refuse, instead I choose this sadness, this emptiness, this loneliness because it is all I've ever known.  It's shocking to even think that I am alone, when I know I am not.  I feel like a burden when I talk or vent to others.  I rather deal and listen to other people's problems but my own.  I rather fix everyone's problems rather than my own. I rather hurt than be happy. I put everyone's happiness before my own, why? Because that is the type of person that I am.  People may not understand it, but that is who I am, who I rather be.  It's not healthy, but it is all I've known throughout my life. One day I will learn to make myself happy, and put myself before others. But until then. The loneliness and emptiness will continue to embody itself in my mind, body and soul....