Accept and Move Forward

I admit, I've been stubborn, hardheaded, grouchy, sad, angry, frustrated....EVERY negative feeling that a person could ever feel.  I let pain rage through my body, bringing me down and influencing my thoughts, emotions and choices.  The saying "With Time, Things Will Get Better." I truly believe this is a fact; before I refused to accept that I could ever heal or stand back up after being pushed off a cliff.  As days progress, I feel better little by little every single day.  I find new reasons to smile and I find things to reflect upon that make me happy.  I realized that there are so many people in my life that wish the best for me, that wish me happiness; friends that have stood by me through the toughest times no matter how much I tried to push them away. I don't know why I refused their help, or shut them out, I feel badly, but things just happen.  We cannot control everything and that is a part of life...

I didn't think I could accept the fact that we could just be friends, I resorted to drinking excessively and not caring about anything at all.  I hit rock bottom. I wanted to die. I was a mess. I still am a mess, but with time I am slowly putting myself together, I am slowly putting together the pieces of my shattered heart. I've fallen into a well, struggling to crawl out. Slowly by slowly, inch by inch I've started to get off the ground.  I've come to accept this change, I can't change anything now.  I know what I want, but I can't have it.  I want to fight for you, I've been fighting for you, but you refuse to see that.  I can't wait forever, and as much as I have feelings for you I'm going to have to let you go.  I can't let you control my life, my feelings, my heart....  I ACCEPT the fact that we are just friends.  Maybe one day down the road things will be different, but for now I've accepted this fact and I am trying to make ends meet with my heart.  It takes time, and I may never get over you, but that is life and I need to accept it.

I've been so blind hurting and longing for you, that I didn't see, I refused to see everything else that made me happy.  You made me so happy, you made me smile, you made me feel like I was worth something, but when you took that away from me, I fell apart and broke into pieces, blinding and shutting out everything else that once brought me happiness.  But slowly, day by day, the happiness and smiles are returning..

Accept it. Let it go. Move forward.