Distance

I've distanced myself from a few people.  The people I'm used to seeing everyday, talking to everyday and overall having a great friendship with.  I had to make a sacrifice to suffice these feelings that I had developed for one of them.  I couldn't face it in front of them, knowing it was wrong.  Instead of coming clean, I pulled back, ran away hoping that it would go away, that I would forget about it and come to terms with myself that I didn't have feelings at all.

On my vacation in Las Vegas and Honolulu, I couldn't stop thinking about this person, it was bad.  When I came home the feelings still surfaced, so I did what I had to, I distanced myself without even giving anyone a heads up. Now everything is awkward, our are friendships not the same. Maybe I should've said something then, and I wouldn't have this awkwardness or gap in my friendships, if there is still a friendship that I can salvage. 

I fell in love with the wrong person, making up stories to cover it up, only to see that in the end I hurt myself, and screwed myself over.  Why do I keep falling for the wrong person? This one person I clearly knew I could NOT have feelings for in that manner. She was my friend, one of my best friends that I told EVERYTHING to, well everything but my feelings. I know for a fact also that she doesn't feel the same way.  I hoped my vacation would allow me to clear my head and rethink everything, hoping that it was just a misunderstanding, but apparently it WASN'T, my feelings were as real as anything you could imagine.

Do I just come clean and lay it on the table, clearing the weight on my shoulders but risking a great friendship at the same time or do I hold it in and hope that with time it will pass? I don't want things to be weird or awkward or anything. What the hell is wrong with me.. seriously. I don't know what to do, I can't distance myself forever because I value this friendship more than anything.. uggh decisions.